How to be an ordinary hero

In an attempt to combat bullying, the provincial government is calling on Quebecers to act as 'ordinary heroes.'  How fitting.  In a time when hockey is one of the few things that brings Quebec's society together, the government wants us to all work together to make the province a better place.  Why don't we start with crossing east or west past St-Lawrence Boulevard?  It might take an 'ordinary hero' to do that.  At least that hero would take the first literal steps towards unity in a province that has been torn apart for hundreds of years.


I have met many inspiring heroes thus far.  There have been teachers, parents, children.  The one that stands out the most is a former student; a teenager that was expelled from high school the day he turned 16 years old.  On that day, I witnessed the school's administration tell him that he would not ever amount to anything.  Imagine... How would you feel?  I would give up.  But he did just the opposite.  He registered in adult education classes and, with hard work, dedication and perseverance, he graduated from high school and is currently attending Dawson College.  He is responsible, holds a part-time job and acts as a role model to his younger siblings.  He teaches them to stand up for themselves in positive ways and to think before they act.  Just 5 years ago, all of these actions would have been impossible for him.  To me, he is an ordinary hero. 

So make a difference in somebody's life today. Do something nice for someone else.  Just smiling at someone can make a difference!  Let's prove to the government that we will not pass on the responsibility of our children and the harsh and severe reality of bullying to anyone else.  Let's take ownership of this issue and work together to combat it.  Let's make a difference today!  Do you know anyone who is an ordinary hero?  Honor them by commenting on this post and sharing their story!

If you are looking for a tutor/academic coach for your child, or if you have any topics that you would like to see in my upcoming blogs, please feel free to contact me at robin@brightsidelearning.com . 

Stigma

I've been dealing a lot with issues of stigma, in my personal life and in my professional life.  What exactly should someone my age have accomplished in their life by now?  What are society's expectations?  Why am I so hard on myself? Why are my expectations of myself so high?  What if I succeed?  How will I know?  Better yet, what if I fail?  What if everything that I've worked for does not pan out.  And how will I even know if I succeed or fail?  It is based on society's labels anyways.   

The more I think about the world around me, the more I realize that we are all trying to understand the world through some type of label,category or standard.  And the end result?  Discrimination.  Stigmatization.  Profiling.  Stereotyping.  Everywhere I turn, I see it happening.  

I am currently teaching my grade 9 students about the Holocaust.  The way I teach it is not through facts.  I want them to use the experience as a way to understand the world around them.  I want them to be able to see what I see.  I want them to use their knowledge to never stay silent when they see something that should not be happening.  I want them to implement the morals and values in their daily lives.  

I usually try to teach about the Holocaust in January and February, just in time for Black History Month.  Learning about the Holocaust is not about facts or memorization.  As a matter of fact, there is not one date or name or place that actually matters in the way I teach.  It is the lessons that we must learn from these atrocious acts of inhumanity that we must learn about.  That is why I always show "A Class Divided" when I teach about the Holocaust.  It is Jane Elliot's grade three experiment from the 1960's after the murder of Martin Luther King.  She segregates and instills hatred in her grade three students based on the color of their eyes.  She feeds her students false statements: people with blue eyes are smarter that people with brown eyes, etc. And what we see in a matter of minutes is that hatred, discrimination and intolerance develops in the classroom.  I then relate this type of 'faulty talk' to Hitler's messages of propaganda.  It is all related.  All discrimination and violence and racism and sexism and intolerance is the same: it stems from faulty and untrue beliefs.  

This month, why not teach your children about respect, virtue, being kind, generosity and inclusion.  Take them to one of the many events for Black History Month.  Here's the website link for a detailed list of what is happening in Montreal: www. montrealblackhistorymonth.com

Also, read this article for more information: http://www.montrealgazette.com/life/Role+models+spotlight/6075657/story.html

Don't abandon your team

While the Canadiens have been going through this terrible slump, my grandmother, a forever fan, gave me some advice: "Don't give up on your team.  Have some faith!"  My response at the time? "But we suck."  And that was that.  I was aggravated with the team, the performance, the coaches, the management, the trade, the losing streaks... In a city like Montreal where one of the only things that unites all of its people is 'Les Canadiens,' hopelessness was setting in.  As a matter of fact, it seemed like the disappointment of our hockey team was making headline news on a regular basis.  Also, there were language division issues being displayed at the games; where was our winning team when we needed them?  They create a unity and positive aura that infects our city and helps it thrive. Even so, with all the disappointment, my grandmother continued to tell me: "Don't abandon your team!"

When I think about the word abandon, it seems so extreme in nature: TO GIVE UP COMPLETELY.  And during the months of January and February, when we are all tired of the days being so long and gloomy, the cold weather, the darkness and the discontent that this brings, we need something to perk us up; something to get excited about.  We need an extra boost.  So do our kids.  And they do not just need it during the gloomy months of January and February, but they need it all year-round.  Remember this cheerleader idea that I keep writing about?  Now is as good a time as ever to start cheerleading for your child, even if your child is older and in high school.

CJAD recently dedicated some time to discuss Kid Kop Foundation, an organization dedicated to raising monies to establish police offices in high schools across Quebec.  There were a lot of questions raised: Do we really need these types of measures to be implemented in Quebec?  Are we at par with the US on high school violence levels?  Does this seem extreme?  Will it help?  Is it intimidating?  IS THIS REALLY NECESSARY? 

What did I get out of this discussion?  People in the education sector are abandoning our youth.  Think about it: if you are constantly monitored by measures of intimidation and fear, would you be able to succeed at school?  This is what the police in the schools would implement, right?  The idea is that students will not be violent, bully other kids and/or participate in other behaviors that are inappropriate if the police are present to scare them out of it.  Putting fear into our children must work.. I think NOT!  In my experience, youth will either rebel against this type of system, become better at hiding what they are doing, or do it outside of school hours or property.

Let's look at the other side of the issue:  the police could serve as role models for our youth.  This way, they will be able to build strong relationships with kids and in turn, the kids will internalize the proper moral and ethical values that are required in society.  This program does not discuss the police becoming integrated into the school's microcosmic society.  Further, it does not talk of police personally developing relationships with the youth.  Are police officers even qualified to do so?  Again, from my experience, what happens in these types of situations is that open-minded students who follow the rules become engaged and involved, while youth who actually need the program will fall under the radar. 

It just seems like we, as a society, are giving up on our kids...COMPLETELY.  We are sending them to school, blaming the teachers, bringing in the police and hoping that things will work out.  Are we really crossing our fingers and leaving it up to other people and luck?  These are OUR children that we are talking about!  Instead, don't give up on them. Become their guides.  Become their cheerleaders.  Become their greatest supporters.  Instead of starting a movement to create fear in our schools, why not work with our own children and teach them how to behave: with respect, with compassion, with support, with open arms.  Won't these values help make our society better?  And why not monitor that your children are actually implementing the values that you have taught them?  Make sure that you are involved in your child's life on a daily basis!  In a city that does not give up on its hockey team, can't we afford a little bit of time to not giving up on our children?  Can't we try to unite our city in this way?  Perhaps we can add this issue of unity to the hockey roster for this season. Just a thought...

If you have ideas for a future blog or are looking for academic coaching/support for your child, please feel free to contact me at: robin@brightsidelearning.com 

OWN IT!

I recently saw an amazing post on Facebook, forwarded by Inspirations, a publication associated with the English Montreal School Board that is dedicated to addressing the area of special needs: 

This video describes Jake as a child prodigy.  He excels in math and science.  His passion is math and science. In college at age 13, he is studying math and science... And he attributes his success to his autism diagnosis.  What has he done?  He has taken ownership of what others call a disability.  He has used it to his advantage.  He has been positively shaped by what society deems as a 'disadvantage'. 

Jake's story got me thinking about what drives people to make excuses.  My conclusion? FEAR.  Fear of the unknown.  Fear of failure.  Fear of being different.  Fear of not belonging.  Fear of isolation.  Fear of rejection.  What would everyone think if they knew?  What would they do?  Would they treat me differently?  Why they make fun of me?  Would they accept me?  Would I be able to accept myself?  If there is something different about my child will I be able to accept it? And how will I teach my child to accept it?

When teaching children about bullying, we tell them to stand up to their bully.  We tell them to take control back from their bully.  We tell them to take ownership by turning insults into jokes.  We tell them to become empowered and advocate for themselves. We help them gain control back.

I was also recently watching Eminem's movie 8 Mile.  And the scene at the end when he is on stage rap battling against a guy who stole his girlfriend, beat him up in front of his young daughter and basically demoralized him is still unbelievable to me.  Eminem took responsibility and ownership of everything negative and insulting that the guy could have said about him and he left his competitor speechless; he turned his 'disadvantages' and 'disabilities' into something positive by winning the competition and making a name for himself.  He knew that all these things had happened to him and that they were a part of him, maybe even a defining part, but he did not let them break him.  Here is the youtube link for this rap battle (I am not posting the video directly because of extreme use of profanity): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHE0wmgljco

The reality is that it is difficult to all of us to accept who we are.  Why does a woman never tell anyone her weight?  Why do we hide family and/or marital problems?  Why do we seek to portray the image that we are living like 'the Jones'? We want acceptance and we want to belong. What's interesting to me though, is that individuals who figure out who they are and why they feel particular ways have adopted an attitude of ownership.  They have decided to own who they are, embrace is or combat it, and succeed.  And ultimately, what is it that we all want for ourselves and for our children?  SUCCESS!  It's never too early to help your child figure out who he/she is, what he/she is good at, his/her special talent, and how to use these things to form a successful life.  This is where your parental cheer-leading comes in! 

What do you think about this idea of ownership?  I'd love to hear your comments!  Also, if you have any ideas for my next blog or if you are looking for academic support for your child, please feel free to contact me at: robin@brightsidelearning.com . 

Failure Eliminators

NO EXCUSES! That's the theme of this blog.  It is also the theme of this season's The Biggest Loser.  I watch it every week.  Dolvett yells "HARDWORK!" and the contestants yell back "DEDICATION!"  This is how he keeps the contestants focused, on track and successful.  Him and Bob yell at everybody... all the time.  It is a new year, a new beginning and time to get back on the right track, with fresh eyes and a positive attitude.  I often wonder what it would be like to have someone yelling at me all the time.  Would it keep me motivated to stay on track?  Would I have more successes to add to my CV?  To my list of personal accomplishments?  Would I have more positively influenced and contributed to the lives of children?  I wonder... Does yelling really get the point across?  The answer is no.  Don't break me.  Instead, help me build my self-confidence.  Support me.  Show me that I'm valuable.  Show me that I'm worthy.  Show me what it feels like to succeed and help me sit in the glory of success, just for a little while.  But don't yell at me.  Don't put me down.  Don't belittle me.  I need a cheerleader, not a bully, as a parent, as a coach as a teacher.  I need a supporter.  

Yesterday, my boyfriend and I were watching an old episode of the Cosby Show.  Vanessa was in middle school and had her first boyfriend, Robert.  She was an A student.  Her and Robert "studied" (by "studied," I actually meant gazed at each other with a text book open on a table) for a test together and both received grades of D.  When Vanessa talked to her older brother, Theo, about the situation, he told her that her parents were going to scream at her, ground her and 'kill' her.  At that point, my boyfriend asked me how I would react if my child was in that situation.  I told him that it would depend but that I would speak to her about it and help her understand why it happened.  Then, if it happened again, I would find some type of appropriate consequence.  Sure enough, on the Cosby Show, Cliff and Claire sat at the kitchen table and talked with Vanessa and Robert.  There was no yelling.  I know that this is an old TV comedy show but we should use this as an example of how to speak with our children.  Notice I wrote: how to speak with your children instead of speak to your children...?

When dealing with your children, here are some things to remember: 

1. Speak with them.  Have a conversation!  Communication works well when both members are included in the conversation.  So instead of coming down on your child, putting them down, deflating their self-esteem and resorting immediately to punishment and/or consequences, try having a conversation.  You may be surprised to know that open and two-way communication can go a long way as a failure prevention tool!

2. Be direct.  If you want your child to accomplish specific tasks, tell them so in a direct, specific, non-judgmental and non-confrontational manner.  If you get excited about the task, put a positive spin on it, raise your tone of voice, smile when talking about it and create anticipation about it; your child will quickly become excited about the task as well!

3. Be stern but do not yell unless there is danger.  Use a stern parent voice to give serious directions but remember that yelling at your child does nothing but contribute to a circular pattern of failure: your child does something bad, you yell; he/she feels bad about him/herself, he/she does something bad again, you yell...  By using a stern, low-tone voice instead, your child knows that you are serious about what you're saying and that he/she should comply.  This does not play into his/her emotions and the child still knows that he/she is valued and loved. 

Remember... There are two major strategies that you can use to help eliminate your child's failures: (1) Be actively involved in your child's life, and (2) Follow through on what you say you are going to do.  By using these two strategies, you are giving your child control over the positive part of his/her life and you are also showing your child that you are in control of the rest of the time.

If you have any future blog ideas or any questions, or are looking for a tutor/academic coach for your child, please feel free to contact me at robin@brightsidelearning.com .