For some reason, everything always comes down to excuses. If I hear 'But the dog ate my homework' one more time (not in those exact words of course), I swear, I might scream. Every time I am ready to move on and write a blog about other topics (standardized testing, self-expression, self-confidence, global citizenship, etc.), I always feel the need to come back to talk about excuses. When are people going to stop making excuses? ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
Let me explain two cases that I've dealt with this week:
John is now 10 years old. When he was two years old, he was exhibiting fits of aggression, delayed speech and behavior that just seemed out of the ordinary. He was brought to his very traditional, old-fashioned family doctor and the family was told that John might just grow out of it. After months and years, the family was still saying that he was behaving like a boy and that he would grow out of it. He eventually went to preschool and his speech began to improve, although he was still extremely delayed in his learning and speech. Still, the family would say, "he'll grow out of it." When he entered Kindergarten, John was expelled within the first few months; his behavior was out of control and his skills were not even close to the norm. It was recommended that he go for testing. He was diagnosed with autism; something that he would clearly not 'grow out of.' Over the past four years, John's skills, both socially and academically have improved drastically, since was now receiving the support that he needed all along. In this case, the family did not want to accept what was going on and tried to ignore it. Imagine what John's life was like? Imagine not being able to understand the world around you? And imagine what it feels like to not get the help you need? During his early years, John's quality of life could have been greatly improved had his family simply acknowledged that there was a problem.
Jane, now in her mid 20's, has needed emotional and psychological support her entire life. At an early age, her mother gave her everything she wanted and she developed a sense of entitlement. She always made it seem like she believed that she was better than everyone else her age, mostly because she suffered from low self-esteem and feelings of insecurity. Her home life was not perfect and she never learned to cope with living up to the expectations of the adults in her life. She constantly felt like a failure and never felt like she fit in with her peers. As a teenager, she became depressed and anxious. She became unable to complete tasks, her self-esteem and self-image were lower than ever before, and she continued to feel like she was not accepted by her peers. And now, as she has entered into early adulthood, those feelings have stayed consistent and followed her. Throughout her struggle, her parents have always thought that things will fix themselves; if they just give her what she wants, she will be happy. The parents have blamed each other. Their favorite line is: she does this because of that. There has always been an excuse. ALWAYS. And when I hear this excuse, my answer is ALWAYS the same: It doesn't matter why the behaviors are happening, we cannot use the 'why' as an excuse. If we know the 'why', then we need to do what it takes to fix the problem. Knowing the 'why' puts us one step ahead! Now, just imagine what Jane's life could have been like if the parents would have acknowledged the problems and sought help?
These are the types of situations that push me over the edge! I hate seeing children having to face issues/situations that are preventable; it is difficult and painful for me to watch, since I know that with a little bit of coaching, parents can help their children succeed. I've personally witnessed these types of transformations with my clients. As a matter of fact, one of the moms that I work with recently suggested that I add 'Parent Coaching' as one of my services, adding that I have helped her a lot. As I thought more and more about this, I realized that this blog is free parent coaching! And everyone should take advantage of it, especially since studies indicate that coaching has proved as an extremely useful technique for parents dealing with stress stemming from their children. All this has me thinking... A new tool for parents will soon be on its way... STAY TUNED!
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